Gestational Diabetes: The Honest Truth

I have approximately 6 weeks to go.

Normally this would terrify me.

But I can’t wait to eat normally again to the point that it drives away my fear of child birth. Ok, who am I kidding. I am still terrified of the “unknown” but I am a whole lot more willing to do what I have to do in order to eat cereal. And pasta. And bread. And potatoes. And a sweet every now and then.

When I was first diagnosed with gestational diabetes, I was disappointed but not discouraged. And I did pretty good for the first couple of weeks… until I had the dreaded meeting with the dietitian. I am on a “plan” where I get 30 carbs per meal wait THREE HOURS to eat again, only to have a snack limited to 15 carbs wait another THREE HOURS to have a 30 carb meal… then snack, then meal, then snack. So in reality my day looks like this:

Breakfast 8am- 30 carbs

Snack 11am- 15 carbs

Lunch 2pm- 30 carbs

Snack 5pm- 15 carbs

Dinner 8pm- 30 carbs

Snack 11pm- 15 carbs

What!

It doesn’t even make sense to torture a pregnant lady like this. I am STARVING by the 3rd hour and am not even awake for my last snack.

But the worst part for me is that I am so limited in what I can eat. To put it in perspective, I can’t even eat a bowl of the lowest carb cereal with soy milk for a meal. Too many carbs. No oatmeal. Or pancakes. I can pretty much have eggs and breakfast meat like ham or bacon for breakfast… which was fine at first. And now I feel captive to eggs. How many ways can one prepare an egg? Or an omelette?

Yes, it is blatantly obvious, this diet is really getting to me. Mostly because I love food. Not in a way that I abuse food or overeat, but I just tend to favor the side of not being starving all of the time.

Generally speaking, I have not really been affected emotionally by pregnancy hormones. I don’t have viscous mood swings or crying episodes or the like. And I am thankful for that because I know a lot of  pregnant women do. I’ve been my normal self, sweet as pie. Right, Jon? haha (And you better not make any reference to a lemon meringue.)

And then it hit all at once the day we went to Sequoia (and hasn’t stopped since). We packed our lunches with a few snacks. I don’t know what was going through my head but all I packed for my diet was a peanut butter and low sugar jelly sandwich on weight watcher sized bread (which the main ingredient is air) for my 30 carb meal and a small apple with peanut butter for another snack. It was my own fault. While everyone else got to snack on trail mix and crackers and such, I drank iced tea. We were going to stop for dinner as we headed down the mountain and at this point I was like a rabid animal. I would eat just about anything. It would have been in everyone’s best interest to keep a lock on the ice chest and a firm grip on their trail mix. And since we weren’t really familiar with the area, we didn’t even know what restaurant we would find along the way. Everyone was starving at this point so we stopped at the first place we saw: a Carl’s Jr.

Do you know when you get so hungry that all you want is to not be hungry? Where you’ve waited way too long to eat and you actually want to binge on anything in reach? Yes, I was at that point. And we just pulled up to a place where I can’t eat anything. And I lost it. All I wanted was a hamburger. Or a chicken sandwich. Anything substantial. And my option was a salad. I am not a salad-for-a-meal type of person. I like salad just fine, but the main dish better be on it’s way when I’m finished with my leafy rabbit food. Yes, I snapped. I cried in the Carl’s Jr. Big ol’ pregnant lady crying because she was starving. How embarrassing. I am not a cry-in-public kind of person. I finally ordered tacos from the Green Burrito menu and prayed they were somewhere in the range of 30 carbs. I felt so ridiculous, but I now understand what happens when you mix pregnancy hormones and food being taken away from me.

That was my worst episode, but food choices are becoming increasingly frustrating. Mostly because I know Jon shouldn’t have to suffer because I can’t eat anything we normally eat. So I try to adjust what I eat at places we go. For instance, we went to In-N-Out the other day. And I ordered my hamburger protein style… meaning no bun. And I almost had a melt down again. I coveted Jon’s buttery, toasted hamburger bun the entire time I was eating my meat wrapped in iceberg lettuce. I was on the verge of crying over a bun.

And that feeling doesn’t go away.

Every time I wake up in the morning and know I have to eat eggs, I think I might meltdown. Or walk past the Halloween aisle in the store knowing that this year I can’t have a fun size candy or a caramel apple or apple cider or a small slice of pie or warm potato chowder or anything else you would eat to celebrate the season. It’s so hard not to focus on everything you can’t eat when there are so few options of what you can eat.

And to think, in the beginning I was afraid of “pricking” myself with a needle 4 times a day. That part is a piece of cake. (Did someone say cake? haha) I grossly underestimated the challenge of the diet.

I am continuously trying to remind myself that this is all for Layla and my efforts to keep her healthy will all be worth it in the end. That’s what keeps me focused.

I’ve already told Jon that the only thing I want for my “push present” is an assorted dozen on my bedside the second this baby is out of my body. Some people want a little blue box from Tiffany’s… I want a BIG pink box from Tim’s Donuts. And I will be the happiest woman in the world. Amen.

I can do everything through Christ, who strengthens me. -Philippians 4:13

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