It has been a while since I’ve done one of my top ten lists…so I figured it was high time. And the Olympics are oh so deserving of their own top ten list.
Without further ado…
10. Men’s Figure Skating Costumes.
I respect the artistry of the sport. I understand freedom of expression. But I am beginning to feel like Blades of Glory was a legit documentary. Why must every male figure skater look like they were attacked by a bedazzler? The more emasculated, the better. And I’m not talking about Johnny Weir. We get that.
I find him quite likable regardless of his extravagant outfits. However, I could have done without the pink sequin corset ties…but, hey, whatever floats his boat.
I’m talking about the guys that try to act like they are the definition of a male sportsman. And then they wear this:
Which leads me to…
9. Evgeni “Pity Party” Plushenko
Oh Plushenko, Plushenko, Plushenko. I had such high hopes for you with your serious “secret” off-the-ice pre-competition practices in your 1980s sweat pants, pretending like you didn’t know the camera was filming you. And your glorious mullet. Yes, you were quite entertaining without even trying to be.
And then our own Evan Lysacek took the gold. And Mr. Plushenko turned into Mr. Poor Sport Pity Party Plushenko. Mr. Pity Party even went so far as to stand on the Gold platform when receiving his medal before stepping down to silver. He will not own up to his silver. No, he declared to the Russian people on his website that he received the “Platinum” medal. In Plushenko-land, his performance was better than gold. And after he was congratulated with his platinum medal, he rode off on a unicorn.
8. Ice Dancing “Folk/Country Dance Theme”
You know what this means? You can’t have a folk or country dance without a “farmer’s daughter/daisy duke” costume. Because that’s legit. And not cliche at all.
Not sure what is going on here, but I’ll give them a B+ for the boot skates alone. Nevermind the lasso big enough to rope a small dog. Nice touch.
These two apparently didn’t get the memo. Or a clue.
7. Two man luge.
The two man luge.
Wait.
What?!
What on earth is the point of this?
There must be an explanation.
There has to be a reason.
Gravitational pull? Body warmth? Best friends?
I need answers.
6. Skeleton
Same frightening Luge track.
Face forward. On your stomach.
Who thought this was a good idea?
It would take some good negotiating skills to convince me to go down a water-slide face forward.
But 90 mph down a slick ice track?
Are you serious?
The skeleton is what nightmares are made of.
Speaking of nightmares…
5. Cross Country Skiing
At what point does sprinting with two long skis on your feet sound like a good idea? And you know the designers of the course had to chuckle to themselves as they created the “uphill” portion. Really? Uphill? Doesn’t that defy gravity? Shouldn’t that kind of thigh burn be considered a form of torture?
4. McTwist with a Side of McCool
I double McDog Dare you to challenge the awesomeness of Shaun White. With a star-spangled-train-robber-style bandana over his face and Finesse commercial-worthy hair, how could he be anything but cool? Nevermind the Double McTwist flippy Mcflip 1280 to the 10th power. Or the fact that he interviewed saying his mom took his last gold medal to the dry cleaners (medal and all) to be cleaned and it was returned on the standard dry cleaner hanger. haha Yes, Shaun “McCool” White is definitely cool. And my favorite.
3. The Yawn
Surely I couldn’t have been the only one noticing Apolo Ohno’s yawning before the race. What is he? Bored? Tired? No, no, I got it… he is nervous! I yawn when I am nervous, too!
Not true! It is a racing strategy to get more oxygen into his blood! I know! I didn’t know that either. Yawning aside, look how high his boots are off of his blade! He races on stilts! And he obviously races very well to be named the most decorated Winter Olympian in history! And here I thought he could only dance. 
2. Curling
Hope.
That is what curling gives me.
Because athletic ability is not a prerequisite to get an Olympic medal.
Hope.
That one day, one of my hobbies and/or leisure pastimes will also be an Olympics sport.
Hope.
For the American team when they benched Shuster.
1. Shuster
“Don’t Shuster it!”
The new phrase of 2010, meaning “don’t mess it up”.
He is only the skip of the US team.
He only missed like four game winning shots.
And, although hope for a win was renewed when he was benched, I couldn’t help but want to give him a hug. I think he needed it. I’d have to say it was an all-around sad situation. Don’t worry Shuster, we still like you. Just not necessarily on game winning throws.
Oh, the glorious olympics. I enjoyed them for the first 8 days…and now I’m ready for The Biggest Loser and The Office to be back on already. How about you?
Happy Olympics to You!
