I have to do my grocery shopping tonight. Read we have no food in the house. Well, we do if you count random cans of beans, vegetables or soup and miscellaneous condiments, crackers and frozen chicken. And of course all of the rest is over my sugar/carb limit and is automatically disqualified. Sure, I could go to the store now and get lunch… but I worked in a grocery store for almost 9 years (through high school, college and transition into a career)…and I refuse to go more than once a week. I’ll break out in hives. Furthermore, I need to actually sit down and meal plan so I can shop quickly and efficiently for the week.
Please consider the entire previous paragraph as a justification for me wanting to go out to lunch. I needed to get out of the house…and take a break from cleaning, organizing and painting… if only for 30 minutes.
So I decided I would research where I could go and what I could get with my new diet. After browsing around the nutritional facts of different food establishments… I was pleasantly surprised that I could get crunchy chicken tacos from El Pollo Loco. Score! (six more…lets score…clap, clap. clap, clap. SIX MORE! Sorry that cheer always goes through my head after the use of “Score”. It’s a mystery how my brain works.) But there was nothing besides Iced Tea that I could get for a drink at El Pollo. And I LOVE iced tea. BUT tea is a hit or miss pretty much anywhere. Statistically speaking, when ordered, you will get moderately tolerable iced tea 23% of the time and really good iced tea 2% of the time. The other 75% you will immediately regret your decision after tasting the tea and realize there is no amount of acidic lemon that could neutralize the crap in cup you’ve been given, labeled “iced tea”. It’s usually the remnants of morning coffee when they have decided they’d just brew tea in the coffee brewer without actually washing it OR they made a batch of iced tea in the morning time (of last Tuesday) and haven’t brewed a new batch since. That is my dilemma with tea.
Luckily, Sonic is right next door to the El Pollo Loco. And what a fabulous site Sonic has!
Check it:
You can totally explore their actual menu…
…and then build whatever you want and see all the nutritional facts. Like if you want a chicken sandwich but don’t want mayo on it… you can take it off and see the nutritional difference. Or you can see the actual calorie/sugar content in the different sizes of sodas with any flavor additions. I found myself a Large Diet Dr. Pepper with Diet Cherry Flavor for 0 Calories and 0 Sugar! Score! (six more…sorry.)
So the plan was the head to El Pollo and then to Sonic. It was a good plan. Until I got to El Pollo at 1:45. You know what that means… 15 minutes until Happy Hour at Sonic! What do I do? Do I wait? Do I go? I can’t eat my tacos without a drink! Or can I? Yes, I will. So I found a nice shade tree in the Walmart parking lot (right in between El Pollo and Sonic)… completely out of the way of any cars. I mean, I want to eat my tacos in the privacy of my own car. I can’t stand people watching me eat in my car. Is that weird?
With that being said, why is it that people are attracted to parked cars at the end of the parking lot when there are roughly 3,840 empty spots elsewhere? No kidding, this old man (who I was sure had to be on Megan’s Law website) just pulls up his big ol’ minivan in the parking spot next to me. And stares. Have you never seen a pregnant lady eat a taco before?! Carry on, creepster! I mean, what was his plan? I was so uncomfortable I almost backed out of my parking spot! Finally, he just drives away. Meanwhile, I am enjoying my Walmart people watching and just kept thinking, why are there so many creeps in this parking lot?? What attracts all of these people to Walmart? It doesn’t matter what state you go to, the same people shop at Walmart. Seeing a “normal” person or family is an anomaly! Then of course, the psychologist in me starts trying to profile the “creepy Walmart shopper” to understand what quality it is they all must have to be attracted to the same store. I concluded it must be that creeps like their bargains.
Yes. That is it. All creeps are bargain shoppers.
I solved the mystery!
They don’t go to places like Target because they would rather save their 32 cents on Sam’s Choice Cola. They would rather battle the crowds, crazies and wait in long lines for 32 cents.
What weirdos I thought.
And then it hit me.
As I am analyzing the qualities of creepy, crazy Walmart shoppers all congregating at the same store because they are all attracted to a bargain…
I realize that I am sitting in my car, eating tacos without a drink for ten minutes because I am waiting to go to my second fast food place in 15 minutes, so I can save a dollar at happy hour. A DOLLAR. As in the value of my life is only worth 10 cents a minute. Because I, too, am a bargain hunter.
All of the crazy people in the parking lot are probably looking at ME thinking… why is that crazy pregnant lady eating tacos in her car? And she has no drink! What a nut!
Oh. Em. Gee. I’m nuts like the rest. I need to go befriend the Walmart creepsters. We might just get along. And with that epiphany, I sped away into the Sonic drive thru and got my sugar free, diet cherry diet dr. pepper for half price.
And now I’m left to ponder if I am a Walmart shopper at heart. No, I would never pull my car up next to a pregnant lady and watch her eat a taco (there ought to be a law against that), but I have to admit I do some crazy things to get a good deal. I actually kind of enjoy being frugal, finding a treasure on clearance or using a good coupon. I like saving money. I like being resourceful. I endure the ten minute wait for a drink to save a dollar.
I couldn’t get this ol’ saying out of my head on the drive home… whenever you point at someone, you have three fingers pointing back at you. I pointed out the creepy, crazy stereotype of the Walmart shopper… and discovered I’m probably three times as bad. Minus the creepy, socially inappropriate habits.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go pick out my rattiest pair of pajama pants and slippers…
I feel a Walmart trip in my near future.
