Mission Prenatal Class...


And I’ll tell you what I got out of it…

I was the oldest person in the room. Yes, I’m sure of it because they made us go around the room and say how old we were. I was the only person over 21 and when they got to me (I was the last one to answer) my response was “quite a bit older”.  All was understood. I’m not even 30 yet and I felt so out of place… I was plagued with thoughts all class long… like when I go shopping with my teenage child people won’t know if I’m the mom or grandma. haha Oh well. I was the mother goose of class. At least when the nutritionist went around the room telling us by a visual glance whether he thought we were overweight or not… he said I wasn’t. That was a minor victory. But I was also wearing black. I felt so awful when he looked at one girl and scrunched his nose, wavered his hand back and forth and responded, “a little” in front of the whole class. I would have started crying. Who even plays that game?

We were all put on the spot and when it came to simple, no-brainer questions… I totally froze. Like, “what’s your favorite vegetable?” Who can’t answer that? ME! I like vegetables just fine… I just couldn’t think of one! haha And it only got worse when I was point-blank asked if I ate cup-o-noodles. What? Am I going to lie? That’s a staple in my diet right now because I can’t keep anything else down. No, I normally don’t indulge in a cup-o-noodles on a regular basis. In fact, it has been YEARS since I’ve had one. So I pretty much looked like I was a malnutritioned beast. My only redeeming moment was “I eat strawberries”.



So I pretty much accomplished nothing more than a good guilt trip the entire time. And what would I have done without the token 1980s VHS presentation on couples during pregnancy? With all of the fantastic hair-dos and maternity clothes (which was pretty much their husbands dress shirt). Fantastic.

And what was even better… with all of this talk about healthy foods, the only thing I could think about was getting my hands on a McDonald’s cheeseburger. What is wrong with me?? Have I no shame? No decency? But on a serious note, who keeps a bunch of sick pregnant ladies in a room the size of a closet for 2 1/2 hours without snacks or bathroom breaks? At the crack of dawn, no less. After almost 3 hours of not eating… the last thing on my mind is a celery stalk.

Alas, the class concluded. And my next appointment is an interview with a nurse! WHAT! I’m almost in my second trimester… can I please see a doctor already? Nope. That’s the appointment after my nurse intake interview… which they couldn’t get me in until the beginning of May. This is getting frustrating… mostly because I don’t know the urgency of these appointments. In my mind, I need to get my ultrasound with absolute urgency. For what? I don’t know. I guess just peace of mind. Even if there was something wrong… I’m not sure what they’d do at this point. Terminating a pregnancy is not even a remote option for me. Can you even fix something that is “wrong”? The prenatal class didn’t cover that. But I do know that I need to drink 3 glasses of milk a day. No excuses. The only way you are going to get me to drink a glass of milk is if it is accompanied by a big ol’ donut. haha Chocolate milk may have a chance… we’ll see.

You’ll be happy to know that I did NOT go to McDonald’s after the class was over. No way, Jose. I drove myself right to the El Pollo drive thru. I saw something about rice and pinto beans on my “Food Group Guide”… not sure if the government had a “BRC burrito” in mind when they created that guide… but in my opinion, it is all a matter of interpretation, right? 😉

Ay yay yay. It is a gloomy day here in Central California. Raining. Kind of cold. Kind of need something to cheer me up.

Like this!

I need one. NOW.

Happy Tuesday!

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